fb.

baby tsai seems to be anxious to meet us as i've had a few signs of early labor this past week.  hoping he'll stay put at least a couple more weeks as i'll be 35 weeks tomorrow.

prior to the births of our previous children, i've always felt a little wistful over how things will change with the new addition.  i felt sad the last night i tucked mikey in to bed thinking how that was our last time being just him and me before allie joined us.  then, i felt sad over how big-yet-little mikey and allie were as they slept in their new bunk bed before lauren joined us.

it's not that we haven't loved welcoming each new little one into our family, it's more my thinking about how things will change for each of them, how there might be less attention available for each one, how they each might have to grow up just a bit faster in order to make room for one more.

turns out i'm not such a big fan of change.

but God was faithful to prepare the kids' hearts with each new addition to the family and the kids adjusted beautifully each time.  i couldn't have asked for a sweeter welcoming committee for each new baby.

and so, here we are again at that same place just before we welcome another little one home.  and i'm feeling a little wistful again.

probably brought on as i looked this morning through some of the first pictures i posted on facebook.  all for today's photo assignment.  darn you, fb.

assignment #23:  facebook

this was just after we had moved back to california.  mikey was three, allie was maybe 18 months.  wah.

mikey's first day of preschool.  he was four.  wah.

and here's lauren just after we brought her home from the hospital.  WAH!!!

but.

but here's something that i definitely don't feel too sentimental over, due in part to the fact that these were taken before phil and i ever met.  and for that, i am thankful.

nope, not feelin' it.

and again, no.

sometimes, there just aren't words to 'splain it.

like i said before, darn you, fb.

face.

alright, so i fell terribly behind with my joy of love posts.  what with contractions coming and going and the constant urge to close my eyes and sleep for the next month, it may take me a bit longer to get to them all.  but, i AM determined to finish the assignments one way or another.  and who knows?  maybe the newest tsai will get to join in the fun for a few of them, too!

assignment #22:  face (portraits)

makes friends easily wherever he goes

is a great big brother

keeps us smiling and laughing everyday

ernestly tries to do his best

yells when he's excited

always conscientious

loves to draw

likes to be known as mommy's helper

is a loving sister and friend

enjoys being with her family

loves to be a big girl

although still a baby

unique quirks which we love

relishes making mischief

ever-ready to test the limits

naturally affectionate, yet oh-so-stubborn

********

ok, so lauren wasn't quite in the mood to give me a smile.  here's one of her not making a face.

but i still think the other one captures what she's really like.  heh heh.

gone.

every afternoon, i put the girls down for a nap and then mikey and i tackle his homework.  when that chore is finished, he gets one treat out of our candy bowl and heads into the living room to watch one show of his choosing.  lately, his favorite show has been bubble guppies.  after that's over, he turns off the tv and then plays by himself while i go take a nap.  he finds this time to get kinda lonesome.  though he doesn't really complain about it, i know he'd much rather have allie stay awake and keep him company.  she's on the verge of not needing a nap anymore, but still does need one more often than not.  he can't wait for the day when his little sister can stay up and play with him all afternoon.  he even wrote about it in his journal.

but until then, he does have 'alone time' in the living room.  and he's very good about not disturbing me so that i can get a nap in, too.

so what does he do by himself all afternoon?

assignment #19:  when they're gone

his most favorite thing to play with everyday are his legos.  he plays with them by the hour.  but his most favorite thing is when everyone wakes up again so he's not by his lonesome anymore.

my poor little social guy.  even surrounded by siblings, there are still moments to feel lonely...     : (

in.

once the kids are all tucked in bed for the night, phil most oftentimes has more work to catch up on.  sometimes he'll be on the computer in his makeshift office and sometimes he'll bring out his little laptop and work in the living room.  and most times, i can be found lounging on the couch in the living room feeling pretty spent after another day caring for kids, meals, and home.  we're both totally beat at the end of the day.

but one thing we definitely look forward to is our weekly top chef night.  it's our most favorite show and usually all work is put aside so we can enjoy watching it together, discussing the dishes, and throwing out comments about who our most and least favorite contestants are.

and it usually means we end up having a late-night snack or dessert while watching because it's nearly impossible to watch a show about food without feeling the need to then eat something.

so instead of going out and painting the town red, ninety-nine point nine percent of our nights are spent staying in and chilling on our red living carpet.  it's how we roll.

assignment #17:  staying in.

hold on to your hats for yet another breathtakingly unawesome picture showcasing the stark wonder that is our bleak living room.  i switched it to black and white to spare you from being subjected to our bright red living room carpet once again.  you can thank me later.  ;)

a totally posed shot.  phil usually doesn't assume such a contemplative posture unless i tell him to quit making goofy faces and be normal.

us.

five things:

1) i am 34 weeks along now.
2) the next few assignments have required a certain other half to be around in order to be photographed.
3) further, if i wanted those photographs to be taken during daylight hours, it has meant waiting for the rare day when that certain other half was home (and conscious) while it was still light outside.  not an easy combination to come by lately.
4) my other half is a very good sport.
5) i very much dislike being in photographs.

with all that being said...

assignment #16:  together (self-portrait)

just us.  and the 34-week belly.

this is the face of my other half when he's up to no good.

and this is us just after he pulls off his no good plot.  which made me completely forget to conceal the camera remote.

still able to laugh together even when it's just us.  a very good thing in my book.

kiss.

the kids are getting more and more excited to meet their new baby brother.  perhaps none more than allie, who is over the moon to have another baby in the house.  she just loves telling everyone she comes across that there's a baby brother on the way.  she tells me all the things she's going to do for him.  and she seems to think my belly button works like a telephone, as she'll often come up to it and yell, "hi baby brother!  how ya doin' in there?"

i have a feeling this little baby is going to be the lucky recipient of LOTS of love and affection from his older siblings.  especially from big sister allie.

assignment #15:  kiss.

a kiss sent through the belly button telephone will have to do for now, until he comes out and she can give him the real thing!

bands.

after college, phil worked at a brain bank.  the salary was pitifully low.  but the one upside was that if a brain came in after hours, he'd get called in to process it.  and he'd get paid a flat rate per brain for those.  if we were together when he got called, i'd often go with him to keep him company while he worked.

i didn't know it at the time, but he was saving up that extra money to buy an engagement ring for me.  he later told me it took twenty-three brains to buy the ring.

after we were engaged, i'd still accompany him on those late night trips to the brain bank where he'd slice brains with an electric turkey knife while i flipped through wedding magazines and planned our [very] budget wedding.  que romantico, no?

anyhow, three years into our marriage, when mikey was just a few months old, ilostmyweddingring.  it was winter in minnesota and we were at the mall.  we were getting ready to leave and i had slipped the ring (my engagement and wedding rings had been fused together into one ring) off in order to put on my gloves and had put the ring in my pocket.  i remember it was a terribly cold, windy evening with snow blowing everywhere.  somewhere in the rush of trying to get all bundled up and dashing out to the car, my ring fell out of my pocket.

and i can't think about that particular event without a pang of sadness and regret.  but phil has never once gotten angry or reproachful over it.  not once.  instead, he ordered me a wedding band for me to wear until we can someday replace my wedding rings.  that day has yet to come.  but i love my wedding band.  it's a smaller version of the one he wears.  i've had it twice as long as i had my other rings.  it still serves as a reminder of the love and commitment he and i share.

assignment #14:  wedding bands.

they're both rather scratched up after years of wear and tear.  but i love that the matching rings are his and hers.  his and mine.

my most favorite thing about our two rings?  it's that mine fits perfectly inside his.

and that little heart inside our rings?  a perfectly serendipitous moment.

interrupting.

just got back last night from a quick weekend trip and now i'm a few entries behind on the joy of love series.  will be back tonight to start getting caught up.

but for now, i'm interrupting this month-long series to wish y'all a happy valentine's day!

the kiddos hope your day is filled with lots of love, laughter, and sweet treats!

my dear phil has yet to forget v-day, and this year was no exception.  last night he came home with take-out chinese and two lovely bouquets of flowers for me.  unfortunately, our regular flower vases are still packed in boxes awaiting our next move.  so i combined the two into this one plastic storage container.  which worked out pretty well in the end, no?

but the very best thing he did for me this valentine's day was get me this...

i had mentioned yesterday morning that i needed another bag of lollipops in order to finish putting together the kids' valentines to pass out at school.  then promptly forgot all about it.  but phil remembered and picked up a bag last night when he was out getting the other stuff.  was just a nice little reminder that he still does listen, even after all these years.  :)

thank you, Lord for a dear husband, a house full of children, a heart full of thanks, and each day to rejoice in these most precious gifts.  but most of all, thank you, Lord for being the source from which all this abundant blessing and joy flow.   "we love because he first loved us."  (1 john 4:19)

now i must sign off to make valentine chocolate cupcakes (mikey's request) with the little "helpers". 

be back soon to continue on with the joy of love posts!

routine.

some mornings, it takes more effort to peel myself out of bed than others.  i have to give myself a mental pep talk, visualize the steps of our morning routine, and give myself another mental pep talk.  and maybe an extra five minutes to close my eyes and pretend i'm still asleep.  because no matter where we are, what we're doing, or what day of the week it is, we have the same exact routine every. single. morning.  times three.

assignment #13:  routines.

the following set of pictures should be viewed more like my mental checklist rather than the actual steps.  because the real-life execution of said steps is much less neat and orderly and much more haphazard and messy what with the constant urging to hurry up, the inevitable milk spills, the wiping of noses, the need to change a diaper just as we're ready to leave, the scramble to find everyone's shoes-- all to get out the door by 7:45am in order to get to school on time.

on non-school days, sometimes it's 11am before we make it through the morning routine.  sometimes it's noon.  : p

drink milk!  times three.

get dressed!  times three.

eat breakfast!  times three.

brush teeth!  times three.

shoes on!  times three.
(the kids wear sneakers on school days, but we're all about the crocs on non-school days.)

and now we're ready to face a new day!  (even if by "new" i mean mid-afternoon!)

eyes.

ok, so i'm not completely satisfied with these photos.  the truth is that i very rarely am with any of my photos.  gah.  but it was the best i could do today with two somewhat silly, bouncy, kinda unwilling to hold still for any amount of time subjects before i gave up and called it a day.  and then realized i shoulda adjusted my aperture in order to get more of their faces in focus.  and then realized i just wanted a nap more than anything else.  hey, i'm all about the priorities, ya know.

assignment #12:  the eyes.

the boy.  looking at his eyes make me happy.  in them, i see gentleness, compassion, silliness, exuberance, inquisitiveness, forgiveness, tenderness.

and that sweet little dimple in his cheek?  that is one of the very few contributions i have made to his physical appearance.  ;)

the girl.  in her eyes, i see sweetness, sensitivity, a maturity beyond her years, her love for beauty, kindness, generosity, shyness, loveliness. 

and yes, it makes me sad that her round, baby cheeks are diminishing by the day.



what about the other little girl, you ask?  well, she spent her day driving me nuts with her two-year-old self and was down for a much-needed nap during this little photo session.

but not to worry, i'm sure she'll pop up here sometime soon with another of her antics.  :)

dreams.

if you were to ask him, he'd say he wants to be just like his daddy when he grows up.  which means, if you were to ask what he wants to do when he grows up, he'd say he wants to be a doctor.  he's not quite clear on what exactly daddy does at work, but mikey does know that he works in a big building called a hospital, wears blue pajamas to work, and uses cool tools to help people feel better.  and that's good enough for him.  though he does avoid the touchy subject of giving shots altogether.  it's probably best not to bring it up.

his daddy and i aren't even sure we'd want him to become a doctor when he grows up.  of course, we'd support him in his career choice if he really, really wanted to.  but otherwise, we'd not really be inclined to push him in that direction.  there's quite a bit of sacrifice and stress and hard times involved.  his daddy actually thinks trade school is the way to go.  but in any case, i think it's a fine aspiration to want to be just like his daddy in most other ways.  because his daddy is a pretty cool guy. 

assignment #11:  dreams.

getting some doctoring practice in one afternoon when we visited daddy's work.

and getting an early start on writing all those doctor notes.  on post-its.  his note translated: "all his surgery is OFF."  he does love being the bearer of good news...  :)

space.

assignment #10:  space- where they are comfortable

when lauren needs a bit of alone time, we can most often find her parked on our bed in our room.  i purposely keep our room dark so that i can slip in there from time to time, and hide from my kids, i mean get a bit of rest.  i call it my bat cave.  she doesn't mind the darkness as long as her two favorite things in the world are in there.  the memory foam pillow and the ipad.  and they usually are.  she props herself up on daddy's memory foam pillow, casts all other pillows and blankets aside, and does her thing on the ipad.  it amazes us how she knows how to unlock it, scroll through the pages to select her various preschool game apps and videos, adjust the volume, and knows where to click to get her stuff started.  neither phil or i taught her how to do any of that.  she just figured it out on her own after watching us a few times.  she even figured out how to lock the orientation of the screen and we had to go online to find out how to unlock it.

kids these days...

in any case, this is without a doubt her happy place.  and she'd stay here all day long if we let her.

hobby.

one thing phil really enjoys is music.  whether it's listening, singing, or playing, he enjoys it all.  he led worship for our church and college group for a number of years.  his ability to play a mean guitar was one of the things i admired about him way back when.  lugging his guitar around with us was a normal part of our dating years.

unfortunately, the majority of his time since we've been married has been taken up with his schooling, training, working.  so much so that things like hobbies have long been pushed to the back burner.  and his guitar has seen way more dust rather than playing time in recent years.

but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  this fellowship year is coming to an end and a new chapter will begin for phil as he begins a 'normal' job.  hopefully one that will include more time for him to enjoy his hobbies once again.

assignment #9:  passions and hobbies

time to tune 'er up and get those callouses back on his fingers!

gift.

it was december 20, 2000.  the plan was to spend the day together, but phil called to say he had some errands to do, was running late, and would i mind a late dinner instead?  i agreed and he eventually came to pick me up.  we had sushi (i forget where) for our late dinner and then drove towards santa monica beach.  it was rather dark.  pitch black, actually.

he parked and asked if i wanted to go sit on the beach.  this wasn't our usual thing to do, especially on a chilly december pitch black night.  i wondered if it was safe.  he started pulling some things out of his car and i knew something was up.  especially when his guitar came with us.

we sat on a blanket on the sand.  actually, he had me sit on an icebox on the blanket on the sand so i'd be a little higher up.  he asked me to hold a flashlight for him.  he pulled out his guitar along with a song he had written and asked if i wanted to hear it.  my brain started to spin.

he got through the first verse and the first line of the chorus but then kinda forgot how it went.  so he stopped and said he was going to start over.  i think he was a bit nervous.  i know i was.

he remembered the chorus the second time around and sang the rest of the song he had written for me.  in it, he asked if i would go to minnesota with him.

after the song, he handed me a small, red, wooden object.  upon closer examination, i realized it was an apple.  i glanced back at him and saw that he was on one knee.

i think i said yes.

he told me later that it was getting that red wooden apple ready which ended up taking much, much longer than expected.  he didn't realize it would take so long and the original plan had been to propose at sunset.  at a beach we had previously been to in orange county.

no matter as it was perfect anyway.

assignment #8: a gift from the heart.

i was a teacher at the time and he thought giving me an apple with the ring inside would be just the thing.  he found this wooden apple at michael's.  but it was a solid, very dense wood.  and he only had a small hand saw.  but where there's a will, there's a way.

he sawed it in half, stained it, and attached the clasp.

he also had to smooth down the back side in order for the back hinge to fit. 

and the original apple didn't come with a stem.  so he found a wooden peg, stained it brown, and glued it to the top.

then he had to hollow out that solid, very dense wood in order for the ring to fit inside.  that also must have taken forever and i have no idea what tools he used to accomplish it.  he also had made a stop at joann's fabrics to buy a small scrap of green velvet which he sewed into a tiny pillow cushion which he attached inside the apple.  the ring sat perfectly in that little pillow.

i believe he gave me that apple ring holder after having put his whole heart in to it.

and i'm very glad i said yes.

generations.

assignment #7:  generations.

finally had an opportunity to get a picture of the kids with their grandparents.  they made the four-hour trek to meet us for lunch this past weekend (and to do some shopping at the korean market) before they had to head back home the same day.  so it was a very brief meeting and we were in a very uninspiring parking lot in the middle of k-town.  hence, these pictures are very jaw-droppingly unawesome.  but still, the love between them shines through and was worth capturing all the same.  :)

happy to be together again, forced smiles notwithstanding.

lauren simply wasn't ready to say goodbye yet.

actually, none of them were.

happily though, they'll be back next month when baby tsai makes his appearance.  which is looking like it may well be sooner than later...

love.

i'm very thankful that my kids generally seem to really like each other.  now, that's not to say they always get along perfectly and that there aren't daily little squabbles and bad attitudes that have to be contended with.  but for the most part, the kiddos do genuinely love each other.  they love playing together by the hour, miss each other when one or two are in school, make things for each other while at school or while some are napping, and can be counted on to help each other out.  in essence, it seems that they enjoy being their own little pack.

assignment #6: who THEY love.

to put it simply, they love each other.

and they can't wait to add one more to the bunch.

and i love that about them.

hate.

hate is such a strong word.  i generally do not like to use it in everyday speech.  but when it comes to certain things, a general dislike does not quite capture how i feel about it.  one such area is clutter.  i hate clutter.  and currently, there are three (soon to be four) of them and only one of me.  which means i lose the clutter battle on a daily basis.  and as much as i try to be okay with it and accept as part of this season of life, at the end of the day, i still hate the clutter.

assignment #5:  love to hate.

this is the scene after only ten minutes in.  believe me, it gets much, much worse.

wear.

our middle child is the quintessential girlie girl.  i think i've mentioned this before?  she's also perhaps our most creative, imaginative child too.  a typical look for her would be a princess dress and some taped on bits of paper that she calls her jewels.  we hesitate to throw any bit of what we'd call trash away, be it fabric scraps, unused wooden chopsticks, paper cups, old envelopes, because as soon as we do, she'll come running in and protest that she needed that [insert trash bit here] for her next creation.

one recent afternoon, i noticed that she'd been awfully quiet for some time and decided to go find out what she'd been up to.

enter assignment #4:  what they wear.

i found her in the bathroom, happily attaching a mini tiara to her head.  with masking tape.

she was pretty happy with herself as she admired her handiwork.

until she decided to remove her tiara and discovered that putting masking tape on one's head is the fun part.  removing said masking tape on the other hand, is quite another story.

then and now.

of course i have to be 7+ months pregnant for this third photo assignment.  but then again, it's not as bad as when i had to renew my driver's license picture when i was 9 months pregnant with allie.  that was sure something.

so today's assignment:  then and now.

i believe i will just go ahead and post the pictures without too much commentary lest i depress myself even further.  my, how we've aged.  : p

this is us then.  i took a picture of a picture from a scrapbook i had made for phil of our first married year.  back before children.  back on our honeymoon, just three days after our wedding day.  a little over nine and a half years ago.  goodness.

and this is us now.  it's okay to gasp.  i kinda did.  mikey took this picture of us a couple weeks ago.  pictures of just the two of us are very few and far between.  and perhaps that's not entirely a bad thing.  heh.  ;)

i didn't want to crop in any tighter because then the audible gasp would turn into wailing and gnashing of teeth.  kidding, sort of.  but despite the inevitable effects of time and no longer looking like such a spring chicken, i'm still glad to be next to my best friend, still thankful to have had almost a decade together, still looking forward to the rest of this adventure we're on.  together.  he's still the best in my book.

look.

just like i would never be able to fully capture all of who she is in one word, i simply cannot capture all of her in one image.  i wouldn't even be able to capture her in a hundred thousand shots.  don't ask me how i know this.  ;)  the best i can do is capture shades, or pieces of who she is at any given moment.  i think that's why i like looking at pictures of her.  that's why i like looking at pictures of all my little crew.

today's assignment:  how they look.

she's sassy.  and sweet.  and stubborn.  and independent.  and big girl and baby all rolled in to one.

she's silly.  and a charmer.  and very vocal if she's been wronged in some way.

she's mischievous.  yet very affectionate.  with a little feisty streak.  a boundary pusher.

and she definitely doesn't think the rules apply to her.

there's no denying that her dad and i have our hands full with this one.  and yet, we wouldn't change a single thing about her either.

do.

before the new year started, i seriously considered doing the photo-a-day project for 2011.  started getting excited about the prospect.  but ultimately decided against doing it this year because i knew i'd kinda be setting myself up to fail what with a newborn coming in a couple months and then another major move this summer.  so maybe not this year, but definitely will reconsider for 2012.

and then comes along this opportunity to take karen willette's free online class for the month of february with photo assignments for each day.  28 days.  the theme for the month is "joy of love".  i figure i could maybe handle that and have fun in the process without as much pressure as committing to an entire year.

so, here goes day one: what they do.

i chose mikey doing homework for this assignment.  because it's something he and i do for at least an hour and half every single day.  sometimes even on weekends just to catch up.  on the one hand, i'm immensely proud of him for his diligence and willingness to do so much work each day without that much protest.  he just buckles down and gets it done.  on the other hand, i hate that there's so much busywork and pressure on kindergarteners to do this amount of work.  it robs them of childhood and definitely takes the joy out of learning.  so there's much phil and i are considering in terms of schooling our children next year.  but that's another story...

in any case for this year at least, this is something mikey and i sit together to get done every day.  and so i thought i'd get pictures of him hard at work today.

here he is writing in his home journal.  he says it's his favorite part of homework because he likes to hear what his teacher writes back to him.  look at them little bitty baby hands.

and here's a bonus one.  cuz uh, i AM sitting there with him for an hour and a half every day.  i had the time to take a few extra shots.  this journal entry was written back in november the day mikey found out we were having a baby boy!

click here to if you'd like to join me in this month long endeavor.  did i mention that it's free?  the class is called the joy of love.  be back tomorrow!  :)