project 52, week 45

i'm thankful for...

fourteen and a half years (dating and married) with this guy.  it's amazing to me how it's been so long but still feels like not that long.  how spending time with him is still my most favorite thing in the world.  how he still surprises me every now and then.  how we never run out of things to say to one another.  and how if we don't have anything in particular to say, the silence feels just as companionable too.  i look at him now and can't imagine my life without him in it.  through all our highs and lows, i'd still choose him every single time.

and for that, i am so very thankful.

project 52, week 44

and i am thankful for...

this one.

the only one who is allowed to come sneaking in to sleep next to me in the middle of the night.  actually, she's never asked if she can, she just does.  and truth be told, i miss her on the rare occasions she stays in her own bed.

this one is mama's girl, through and through.

project 52, week 43

i am thankful for...

every single day we've had with this one.

who, me?  yes you, jone bones.

because even though the initial discovery of his existence caught us completely by surprise and we weren't quite sure how it was all going to work,

he has since filled our lives with more love and joy than we ever thought possible.

and even when he's clearly plotting his next no-good, very bad move,

i can't imagine a single day without him.

nor would i ever want to.

even when he does stuff like this.



feeling the need to hug my babies extra tight tonight and praying for the dear parents who had their precious babies so mercilessly torn from them.  please Lord Jesus, be so so near to their aching hearts and bring the comfort only You can bring.  unfathomable.

in our hearts

grieving with those whose hearts have been crushed.  wishing there were some way to undo this unthinkable thing that has been done.  please help us, Lord Jesus.  please help us shine Your light for we are in dark times indeed.

project 52, week 42

i am thankful for...

this boy right here.  our firstborn.  still such a little guy but so often we forget that and expect him to carry the weight of our expectations on his shoulders.  yet he takes it all in stride and remains an amazingly kind and gentle-hearted kid.  i often tell him i have a lot to learn about patience from him.

i am so thankful i've had this year to have him home.  i've found that i just really like being around my kid and have enjoyed the talks we've had and the laughs we've shared.  he's just such a great person to know.  and i also really appreciate that he's loved being home these last two years and never complained about any of the work i've had him do.  i love that i can assign him some independent work and trust him to get it done and he does.  i love seeing him grow in his sense of responsibility and ability to get things done without me hovering over him.  in many ways, he's been a joy to teach with his infectious enthusiasm, his willingness to do the work, and his overall positive attitude.  but in other ways, not so much.  but that's exactly the areas where i can grow in extending him grace, grow in patience, and recognize that it's not fair to expect perfection from him but not myself.  love how God teaches me and keeps me humble.

even though i'm supposedly the teacher here, i seem to be doing most of the learning myself.  for that, i am truly thankful.

next year might bring some changes which we're still praying over, but i know in my heart that i will look back on these past two years and never regret for a second the time i've been blessed to spend with my boy.  what a joy and a privilege to be his mom and his teacher.  i am doubly blessed.

project 52, week 41

i am thankful for my allie girl.

my sweet souled little one.  she who is such a rule follower and tries so very hard to not make mistakes or upset anyone.  who is so sensitive herself and feels things so deeply in a way i don't always understand.  who is wonderfully artistic and creative in a way that often amazes me.  who strives to be a friend to everybody.  who is self-motivated with a perfectionist streak.  who is kind-hearted, loyal, and honest.  who is so completely beautiful inside and out.

it has been a delight to watch her grow into the person God made her to be.

i love her in a way words cannot describe.

and i am still scared of parenting her.  terrified of letting her down in some way because i just don't know how exactly to mommy daughters. 

i am so afraid of monumentally blowing it with this little daughter who is so different from myself.  questioning myself at every turn.  wondering what she is thinking in that little head of hers.  looking in to her eyes and realizing something i flippantly said hurt her.  desperately hoping that my feeble efforts to point her to Christ somehow offsets the many times i've been a stumbling block to her.  looking at my many failures and wishing i could have a do-over.

and in all of that recognizing yet again my own desperate need for grace.  seeing my hypocrisy in expecting them to be patient, kind, and loving at just the time i am being impatient, unkind, and irritated.  and shaking my head at it all.

so i cry out to my heavenly Father for forgiveness that i surely do not deserve yet again, and ask for patience, for wisdom, for direction, for instruction how to mother these little ones while i still feel lacking in my own un-mothered self every single day.

then amazingly, the undeserved forgiveness floods my soul and the still small voice reminds me that i am not alone in this and that this overwhelming parenting task does not sit solely on my shoulders.  this precious little one and her equally precious siblings, while having been inexplicably entrusted to me for a time, do not belong to me.  they are secure in the hands of a never-failing, perfectly wise, immensely loving Father who knows their path and who knows exactly how to get them there.

so i can breathe easy, go to her once again and ask for forgiveness, help her to see that we are all sinners in need of grace, and point her to the source of this never-ending grace.

then what i'm left with is an overwhelming thankfulness for it all.  for the forgiveness and grace from the Lord to start anew everyday, for the awesome privilege of being her mom, for this wonderfully joyous and utterly exhausting task of raising little ones, and for the moments to pause and see that He has, is, and always will be faithful all the way through this journey.

and so i pray that i don't blow it again the next day all the while knowing that i will once again.

and so it continues.  forever trying to find the balance between trying to do my very best while resting in His grace.

the belt test

orange, this time.  from a couple months ago.

hey boy, quit talking and pay attention!

artfully falling backwards.

here come the high kicks again!

going through the motions of the yellow belt form.

here comes his big moment!  he was just a tad bit nervous about the board breaking portion of the test.  he'd never actually done it before.

no turning back now...

success!  (plus a big sigh of relief from him and me both).

that's my boy, y'all!

still pretty amazed that it actually worked.

listening to some final thoughts from the master.  [me whispering]: psst, mikey...

[still whispering]: hey, mikey...

this is the look that says, "aw mom, you're gonna get me in trouble!"

receiving his award and belt.

this is the look that says, "hey mom, i did it!"

nicely done, everyone!

and guess who came to see mikey in action?  phil had to work that day, so grandpa came to the rescue.  he helped get all the kids ready and loaded into the car, then ended up spending most of the test just outside the door since jonah insisted on being grumpy and loud due to a missed nap.  but look!  phil also managed to slip away from work for just a bit to be able to come see his boy take the test.  so mikey ended up with a pretty cool cheering section.

our newly minted orange belted boy.

who then asked me to take a picture of every part of his yellow belt form.

proud of you, my son.

now on to the orange belt form!